It's strange, really.
Able to be mindful of helping someone that needs a good person, but to be self-aware that not being too close is the professional thing to do.
The fuck am I spewing? Okay.
I'm at my last cases of the day. Teacher is on the verge of tears. She was set up by the principal to proctor for the statewide exams, and she took some abuse from the principal and betrayed by a teacher she thought was a friend.
What else could I do?
I listened while working.
Things turned to her talking about future goals, and beyond teaching. Saying she didn't get master degrees for nothing. Was trying to cheer up with looking up sea lions underwater. States how she used to be so optimistic and bright, but turned to be a loner and pessimistic as time went on.
Talks about herself for awhile. Then asks for my goals. "Move out of here to Alabama, and see a friend I have known for more than a decade." I said that pretty quickly and as a matter of factly. She states how she wishes she had an answer with such conviction.
Mentions how she wanted to be a zoologist. To work with 'em because humans betray. "Only those that only care about themselfves do these things, like people who are in this city."
I find she's from Oregon. Well damn.
Mentioning furries, she wants to look up what one is. Bless her heart that she thinks of the minotaur for it and not the dark sides of the interwebs.
Was insightful. How she wishes she can disconnect from people, myself fixing computers isn't too different. Maybe so.
So I am almost done. She wants to hug me. It's not a look that I get often. But those that I see it from make me feel human again. Keeping professional, I ignore it to get my phone for a signature. She changes stances to shake my hand, for thanking me for listening, and that I am a straight up guy.
I may have saved her from quitting teaching, telling her to not let this path be a career.
She then asks for my number.
She soon says it's for uh, repair jobs if she needs me.
(My route in work uses her school as part of my area, so that much is set. Don't need my number for that, only a work order.)
Did she ask for my number to get to know me?
I dunno. I thought fraternizing isn't allowed in schools.
All I can think about the lady in Bama that may or may not care that I still care for her. Professionalism is one thing, but...
I would have been that nice and understanding to anybody. Would love to do that with Robyn. So I cry knowing I most likely broke some 30 year old gal's heart for caring about someone that may not care how far I would go to even see them again.
Despite feeling lonely.
Am I so fucking stupid for believing this?
...How long since I RPed anything? Months?
FFS, this and home life is... AHHHH.