Gather your mind

Chasing a metformin diabetes pill with soda I bought last night, this morning.

So out of it. Not sleeping right with nightmares. Dreamt that mom was chasing me in bryant park with a white car, and soon as I was struck, woke. Fun.

Anybody out there? Buh... PKH ideas, Fetishy ideas, neither can flourish without good friends to talk to.

Wanna be this comfy with her.

Working on career, clearing bills, settling debts... and here it all goes.

Gotta survive until then.

Where is everyone? It's a monday and dead. Monhunt, RPing, or to just talk.

Ah this sucks. Friday Jonathan was depressed- enough to go out drinking. While he's in what is basically AA. I dropped everything to have dinner and a movie with him.

But in doing do, someone eager to RP with me dropped off. Said she was around for spring break and... gone.

Wow. Now this person is like Rogue. :/ A noshow without warning. Miss Robyn. If only she knew...

Feel so stupid trying to do a RP ad for changing folks to canon characters.

Robyn and I's characters are my reference. Lovely.

Only a fan of the site or us would be into that. That much I miss her and wanting to jump start inspiration. :

Right in front of me is Elaine. God. Fucking damnit. How much RNG am I going to get to find her around? This is insane.

I'm on the subway to head back to my house. She works in Manhattan and new BF is there. Why is she here in Brooklyn.

This is another reminder that I need to get out of here. Alabama still feels right. Hope Robyn's alright.

Gaslighting is a form of persistent manipulation and brainwashing that causes the victim to doubt her or himself, and ultimately lose her or his own sense of perception, identity, and self-worth. ... Gaslighting can occur in personal relationships, at the workplace, or over an entire society.

Feel so damn sad after not hearing from... much of anyone really. Left to my thoughts, depressed. RPers are... none for a long time to let creativity flow.

Where's someone that cares?

Woke up to Dad crashing into the bookcase in the hallway. Could barely peel off a wrapper for cheese and crackers. Find that Jonathan didn't come home yet.

Had a whole night planned just staying home with brother to make him not feel lonely at a time like tonight, where I figure I won't hear from Robyn that I am appreciated despite my busyness.

NOW, I feel bad wasting yesterday opening up the night and buying movies. Apparently getting drunk with loser friends and missing work for half the days since he broke up with his girlfriend for "improving our selves despite loving each other" is more important, despite worrying about him. I may have said to spoil yourself for Valentine's Day without being a couple, but I put my day of spoiling myself aside for others and... that. 3AM and still not home again.

: ( ...Robyn, am I doing enough? Sure could use some encouraging words. Hugs. Compassion. Depressed.

Did Mel have the same thing? Almost a year since last seeing her. Discord is open to online folks... Maybe I don't matter.